By Sharon M. Monier, B.A.
Counseling & Family Services

Adoption is a wonderful way to build or to add to a family. Many individuals or couples who consider adoption come to this crossroad for a variety of reasons. The most common motivation for adoption is infertility or a biological inability to have a child. Others find themselves with a desire to add to their existing family. Many adopters report that they have no desire to have another child biologically when there are children who may need a family. They acknowledge that their own needs have been met through previous pregnancies and they wish to share themselves with a child who joins their family through adoption. Before a couple or individual considers adoption, the primary question to be asked is “Who is the child today in need of an adoptive family?”

Adoption is a child-centered service. Adoptive services at private, state-sponsored and international agencies include counseling and casework services to parents and pregnant women and men who need assistance in parenting or in preparing for the adoptive placement of their child. This can be a child who enters the system voluntarily, or one who enters through a court order reflecting a history of abuse or neglect. Whether children enter the adoption arena through a voluntary parental decision or through a court action, the common denominator they share is a need for permanence. Adoption seeks to provide a permanent, loving, stimulating and appropriate home for the child where he or she can have full family membership that will be consummated by a court of law.

Children being adopted today include American infants, toddlers (least common), older children, children in foster care who cannot return home, special needs children with physical or developmental challenges, sibling groups and international children of all ages and needs. Extensive efforts are made to prepare families for the addition of a child to a family but all too often children receive less preparation. The infant for example, cannot be “prepared” for the adjustment of moving to a new family and due to their age, what is most appropriate is a calm, loving family that can perceive and meet the infant’s needs as they develop. However, any child beyond infancy can experience trauma, grief and confusion by being moved without warning from one setting into another. This child clearly benefits from being told of the change coming, ideally meeting and visiting with the new family and having some “voice” in regard to the placement decision, when appropriate. Older children should always participate in this massive decision if they are able. For the older internationally–adopted child, language and different life-experiences initially are barriers between parent and child, and their own preparation for adoption is frequently unknown in the beginning. These children typically come with limited information regarding their social and medical histories. Success stories far outweigh failures of these placements and consequently, barriers are not permanent but rather obstacles to be maneuvered. Children joining the family after a long stay in foster care require great sensitivity to their personal histories, attachment, trust, loss issues and their desire and ability to invest themselves in the new family. Children with special needs impact a family tremendously and again, strong support and effective preparation enhance the adoption.

There are challenges specific to meeting the needs of adopted children and agencies prepare families to effectively meet these needs. A home study (a process that helps families identify their motivation, strengths, challenges, personal, marital, and financial abilities) adoption-specific training, background checks, home licensure are all preparation steps agencies take. With an effective adoption, a child has the opportunity to have a loving parent-child relationship with a parent(s), and the adoptive family has the opportunity to love a child in a full parenting role. Moving a child from one family to another is not without sadness, even in this era of openness and opportunity to receive current information on a child’s welfare. Loss and opportunity are intricately woven. Most parties in an adoption would agree that they never expected to be involved with these concepts so intimately, but most would also agree that these points reflect their circumstances and characterize their lives.

For more information about our adoption services, contact Counseling & Family Services, 330 S.W. Washington, Peoria, Illinois 61602, 676-2400.